Dear Ambassador,
During my appointment today, my counselor told me that I remind her of the Little Drummer Boy from the Christmas carol of the same name.
I listened to it on repeat on my way home (yes, I know that it’s not even August yet, but I had to know why she said that). I realized that I agree with her completely, and made up my mind that this is not a Christmas carol after all, but it is, in fact, the new soundtrack of my life.
The song got me all up in my feels and near to tears, when all of a sudden I saw someone’s license plate that said “LOL WATT,” and I started laughing out loud. Needless to say, it was an emotional roller coaster of a ride (I was a victim of the luteal phase).
But back to why I resonate with the song so much, it is actually quite a simple song that contains a lot of meaning. The story that the song tells is of a group of people going to worship baby Jesus by giving Him their best gifts. The Little Drummer Boy doesn’t feel that he has anything of worth to offer the King, so he asks if he can play his drum for Him. Mary agrees, the animals appreciate the rhythm, and baby Jesus smiles at the Little Drummer Boy.
Did you catch that?
Jesus smiles at him.
The Little Drummer Boy did not have much to offer the King, but he did what he could on his drum and it was enough to make Jesus smile.
*shoulders drop, teeth unclench, heart stills*
That gives me hope that my life is enough to make Jesus smile, too.
My church community often visits Ephesians 4:11-13, which talks about the 5-fold ministry gifts, or the APEST gifts:
And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, (ESV).
I have felt a lot of emphasis on ‘figuring out what my gift is’ so that I can use it to build my church up and also teach others how to grow that gift in their own life (because the gifts are given to individuals to “equip the saints for the work of the ministry”, and Jesus was the best equipped in all 5, so as we grow into “the stature of the fullness of Christ,” we will progressively get better at being all 5 as well). I lean more naturally into the shepherd gifting than I do into the others, but when I evaluate how I shepherd the people in my life, I see a LOT of gaps and a LOT of room for improvement.
Back in November, I remember pacing around my hotel room at a conference I was working at and mulling over that thought in my mind.
What is my gift?
What am I good at?
What do I have to offer?
I was doing a lot of random tasks for the conference, such as: picking up lunch food from the catering place, manning a booth for the missions organization I had gone on a trip with, assembling clothing racks for the merch store, operating the iPad for the Square transactions, etc. But all around me I saw people leading, speaking, playing instruments, singing, and I felt like I needed to put a name to what I was gifted at.
Being a minion? (I’ve been called that before.)
Taking care of the “leftover” tasks nobody wants to do?
Being a cog in a machine that can easily be replaced by anyone?
I wanted to be good at more than that.
I wanted my identity to be more than that.
What is my APEST gifting?
If I am a Shepherd, why am I so bad at it?
Can a jack-of-all-trades-but-a-master-of-none really live a life of excellence and devotion for the Lord?
It was not until a couple weeks ago (7 months after my November conference wallowings) that it finally occurred to me that just because someone is “gifted” in one of those areas, it does not mean that they will be fully mature in that area at the drop of a hat.
I had been viewing “apostles” as the master authority on apostolic leadership and “teachers” as the master authority on teaching. But then the thought occurred to me–
Not that I have already reached the goal or am already perfect, but I make every effort to take hold of it because I also have been taken hold of by Christ Jesus…In any case, we should live up to whatever truth we have attained (Philippians 3:12, 16 CSB).
What if, just as babies have to learn how to walk and run and eat and talk but they are still very much a human being–so also Evangelists have to learn methods and practice their approach for sharing the gospel, but they are still very much an Evangelist– so also Prophets have to practice discerning the voice of the Lord and where and when is appropriate to share with others, but they are still very much a Prophet.
I felt so seen in that moment the Holy Spirit revealed that to me.
I can be a Shepherd who is still learning how to be a Shepherd.
My lack of skill does not mean that I am ungifted, or that I do not have anything worth bringing to the table.
Jesus smiles at me when I play my drum.
That is enough for me.
It can be enough for you, too.
So, Ambassador, keep going.
There is still so much room for you to grow, but maturity comes with practice, patience, and time.
And yes, a “jack-of-all-trades” can live a life of excellence and devotion to the Lord.
Feel all the freedom of the Spirit to try new things –
Try leading the evangelism trainings.
Try bringing a teaching to the church body.
Try pioneering a ministry house and being the apostle who thinks of new ways to do things.
You are exceptionally gifted, not because you can put a name to what you are good at or because you can train a room to act as exact replicas of your gift until everyone reaches “the stature of the fullness of Christ.”
You are exceptionally gifted because there is no one else who can play your drum the same way you can.
You are exceptionally gifted because you make Jesus smile.
Keep going, Little Drummer Boy.
Keep going, Little Drummer Girl.
Pa rum pum pum pum.
Excelsior, Ambassador.
Nicole Ashley Missions 